Brooke Mueller is fighting to maintain her sobriety.

The Witchouse actress, who was married to Charlie Sheen from 2008 to 2011, opened up about her years-long struggle with addiction, sharing why she believes she will likely relapse again.

“When we’re at stage four, it typically means that cycle where you just have these relapses, no matter how well you get, and no matter how many years, it’s just a matter of time,” Brooke told People in an interview published March 25. “I want to be honest about it, because if I try to sugarcoat it, I’d be lying to myself.”

And no matter how much time passes, the 47-year-old—who shares 16-year-old twins Bob and Max with the Two and a Half Men actor—found that the road to recovery doesn’t get any easier.

“The darkness and the shame as we get older, that sticks with us even more because we have more evidence of pain that we’ve caused others and ourselves,” she continued. “It’s sad for us because we don’t want this, nobody would want this. And so there’s got to be a mental health component to it, where our suffering sometimes gets so strong that we literally—our brain tricks us and rationalizes why this time it’s okay.”