Content warning: This story discusses eating disorders and depression.

Remi Bader’s weight loss struggles began very early in life.

The TikToker, who gained popularity in 2020 for her body positivity and fashion videos, shared insight into her past struggles with binge eating amid her recent weight loss. And in doing so, she uncovered a few painful memories that may have sparked some of her long-lasting dieting tendencies.

In an interview with Self, published March 26, the 30-year-old explained that implementing restrictive diets was a habit she formed around age 10 after a family member offered her “a thousand dollars to lose 20 pounds.”

Before she knew it, becoming aware of the extra attention drawn to her weight had snowballed into a full-fledged binge eating disorder.

“I would always do the diet and restrict cycle, which only got worse over time,” Remi explained. And it worsened to the point that, in a 2019 email to her dietitian, she pleaded, “If you have any tips, I am getting pretty desperate….It’s scaring me because I can’t seem to snap out of it.”